The One With The Baby Shower (Uncut Version)


Written by: Sherry Bilsing-Graham & Ellen Plummer

The text in blue are scenes that were originally cut from the original airing of the show.

Added footage text by Ane Jegstad


[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachelís baby shower.]

Rachel: (entering) Hi!

Monica: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel: So whatís the final head count on my baby shower?

Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.

Monica: Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it.

Rachel: What?! You mean theyíre not coming to a social event where thereís no men and thereís no booze?! Thatís shocking! I donít care, as long as my momís here.

Monica: Oh my God, your mother!

Rachel: What?! My momís not gonna be here?!

Monica: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.

Rachel: My God!

Monica: Well it wasnít my fault, Phoebe was in charge of the invitations!

Phoebe: Well I donít, I donít have a mother so often I forget that other peopleÖ

Monica: (interrupting her) Oh give it a rest!

Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!

Phoebe: No. (Pause) Neither is mine.

Monica: Okay, yíknow what? Donít worry, okay? Weíll take care of it. Weíll call her. Just go home and get ready.

Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. Itís really important to me, I mean itís my mom!

Phoebe: I know. I know, whatís her number?

Rachel: I donít know.

Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youíre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call heróHello Mrs. Green! Hi, itís Monica Geller.

Mrs. Green: Oh, hello Monica.

Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but weíve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.

Mrs. Green: I know, my daughterís told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.

Monica: Yeah, Iím sorry. Iím-Iím so sorry.

Mrs. Green: For what dear? For not inviting me or for lying about it?

Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (On phone) Iím sorry for everything. Really! I meanÖ Thereís a lot of planning in a baby shower. I mean, you know, things get over-looked andÖ Phoebeís mother kills herself!

Mrs. Green: Why? Did you forget to invite her too?

Monica: (Laughs) Youíre so funny! Please! Please! Can you come? It starts at four oíclock.

Mrs. Green: Well all right. Iíll see you at four.

Monica: Thank you. (Hangs up.)

Phoebe: Isnít it at three?

Monica: Son of a bitch! (Calls Mrs. Green again.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]

Chandler: Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops? (To Ross) And for the record, Iím not covering the tall one this time.

Ross: Fine. But sheís not that tall.

Joey: Oh no, I canít go. Iím practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.

Ross: Oh cool!

Chandler: Thatís great.

Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it, by day Iíll be Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night Iíll be (In an announcerís voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!

Chandler: Youíll be perfect for this! Thatís already your name!

Joey: I know, I know. And it would be so great if I got this, because you never know what could happen to you on a soap, but I could be a game show host forever, like, that Bob Barker guy. Heís been doing The Price Is Right for 75 years!

Chandler: I bet the ratings werenít good for the first 25, yíknow, before there was television.

Joey: Yeah. But the problem, this game is really complicated.

Ross: Oh come on. You said the same thing about "Hungry Hungry Hippos", and last week you beat Ben.

Joey: Yeah, I have to be honest with you guys. He kinda let me win. But the auditionís in a couple hours and I donít even understand the game.

Ross: Well do you want some help?

Joey: Oh really? Thatíd be great! You guys can be the contestants!

Ross: Awesome!

Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.

Joey: (announcer voice) All right! Letís play Bamboozled!

Chandler: Bamboozled?

Joey: Yeah, isnít that a cool name?

Ross: (simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah!

Chandler: (simultaneously with Ross) No!

Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why donít you tell us a little bit about yourself Ross?

Ross: Well uh, I-Iím a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uhÖ

Joey: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?

Chandler: Well Joey, Iím a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin! (Waves.)

Joey: Excellent! Letís play Bamboozled! Chandler, youíll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?

Chandler: Bogota.

Joey: Itís Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.

Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango card do?

Joey: I should know that. Letís see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.

Chandler: Higher or lower than what?

Joey: This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.)

Chandler: (To Ross) Can you believe how lame this is?

Ross: Iím sorry, I donít believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachelís baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]

Phoebe: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. Thatís good right?

Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!

Phoebe: What? Heís gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!

Monica: Hi!

Phoebe: Iím so glad you could make it.

Monica: Yes, thank you so much. And again, weíre so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.

Mrs. Green: Try. Thereís my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.)

Monica: Sheís still mad.

Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnít it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.

Guest: (To Phoebe) Hey, how are you?

Phoebe: Yeah, uhuh, okay, uhuh.

Monica: Phoebe, Sandraís mad at you too. It-it doesnít bother you?

Phoebe: No look, weíve apologized twice! I canít do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.

Monica: Okay. I can do that. (Pause) I gotta go powder my ass.

[Cut to Rachel and Mrs. Green.]

Mrs. Green: Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didnít know better Iíd say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, letís get some tea.

Rachel: Okay. (Mrs. Green helps her up and they walk over and get some tea.)

Mrs. Green: Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I donít want you to use your housekeeper Ďcause it would just split her focus.

Rachel: Oh well Iím actually not gonna use a nanny and uh, I donít even have a housekeeper.

Mrs. Green: Itís like youíre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You donít know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. K.

Rachel: Mrs. K! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca.

Mrs. Green: Such a sweet woman. And more important: She became a part of our family.

Rachel: Thatís right. Mrs. K. What did that K stand for?

Mrs. Green: I have no idea dear, she was the nanny.

Rachel: Well, as great as she was I just canít afford that.

Mrs. Green: (Laughs) Iím sorry, sometimes I forget not everyone has alimony. Oh, Rachel!

Rachel: What?

Mrs. Green: I just had the greatest idea! Iím gonna come live with you!

Rachel: Wh-wh-what? What?

Mrs. Green: Oh, Iím so happy Iím gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes.

Rachel: Yes. Yes I do.

[Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing Bamboozled.]

Joey: All right Ross youíre in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

Ross: The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, Iíll take another question.

Joey: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.

Ross: Itís okay, Iím ready.

Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youíre ready to answer the question. Itís part of the game.

Chandler: This is ridiculous, heís not gonna hold his breathÖ (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)

Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, TrisÖHoly cow, thatís a big word. TriscÖ Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?

Chandler: Let me see that.

Joey: This one right here. (Ross whines.)

Chandler: Triscadecaphobia.

Ross: (exhaling) The fear of Triskets!

Joey: No! No, fear of the number 13.

Chandler: Fear of Triskets?

Ross: Itís possible, they have really sharp edges.

Joey: All right Chandler, youíre up.

Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe Iím entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?

Joey: Yes, yes. But you can only use it once, so choose wisely.

Ross: Hmm, this is tricky. I mean, I am in the lead, but I would love another shot at the Golden Monkey.

Chandler: This game makes no sense!

Ross: Yíknow what? Youíre just upset because youíre losing.

Chandler: Oh come on Ross, I think weíre all losers here.

Ross: I would like to hang on to my Angel Pass, please.

Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.

Chandler: Let me think. Let me thinkóOh! I donít care.

Joey: You-you must choose Mr. Bing.

Chandler: Either, it makes no difference.

Joey: Choose, you jackass!

Chandler: Iíll take a card.

Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rossí points!

Ross: What?!

Chandler: This game is kinda fun.

Ross: (To Chandler) You donít think itís a little crazy that you get all my points just Ďcause youÖ

Chandler: I donít think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]

Phoebe: (To Monica) Do you wanna start opening presents, cause it seems like people are getting itchy to leave. And when I say "people", I mean me.

Rachel: Why did you invite my mother?!

Monica: What?

Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.

Phoebe: For how long?

Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.

Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.

Phoebe: She canít hear you.

Rachel: What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?

Phoebe: Well, if you donít want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.

Rachel: Youíre right. Youíre right. I mean Iím about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I donít want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Sheís gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!

Monica: Thatís right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you donít want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!

Rachel: Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.)

Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now sheís gonna be mad at Rachel! Yíknow what? And Iím just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.

Phoebe: Oh, honey. You have to let it go.

Monica: Okay. (Pause) Who doesnít accept an apology!? I mean, itís just so simple. "Iím sorry Sandra", "Thatís okay Monica. I forgive you. And by the way, youíre very pretty."

Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Itís time to open the presents!

Monica: Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because youíre the most important person in this room. And in the world!

Mrs. Green: Well uh, I donít have a gift because I wasnít invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyoneís attention.

Phoebe: How about you less important people, letís open your presents!

(Mrs. Green goes into the kitchen and Rachel follows her.)

Rachel: Mom thatís okay that you didnít get you a gift!

Mrs. Green: Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me.

Rachel: Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.

Mrs. Green: Sweetheart I know youíre gonna be terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning.

Rachel: But mom, I really know what Iím doing. I can handle this.

Mrs. Green: Really? Remember Twinkles?

Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!

Phoebe: Okay, come on Rach itís present time! Yíknow youíre the glue thatís holding this whole party together. Itís kinda falling apart here.

Mrs. Green: Oh look.

Rachel: Wow!

Phoebe: Okay, this is from your friends at work.

Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Sheís holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That canít be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?

Mrs. Green: Darling, thatís a breast pump!

Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whatís this?

Woman: Itís a diaper genie.

Rachel: Oh, it dispenses clean diapers!

Woman: No! Itís where you put the dirty ones!

Rachel: Well thatís gross, why donít you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?

Mrs. Green: Oh youíre gonna do that ten times a day?

Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!

Mrs. Green: No dear, thatís what babies do.

Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.

Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youíre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?

Rachel: I donít know, Iíd leave it on the changing table? (Everyone gasps.) What?! Whatíd I do? Whatíd I do?!

Mrs. Green: You canít leave a baby alone!

Rachel: Oh comeó(Stutters)óOf course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who wouldóshe wouldnít be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Yíknow what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, Iím just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.

Woman: Itís actually a bassinet.

Rachel: Okay mommy, donít ever leave me. (Hugs her.)

[Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing the game only everyone is really into it.]

Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We donít need no stinkiní badges!"

Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!

Joey: Correct! Thereís a possible backwards bonus!

Chandler: Madre Sierra the of Treasure!

Joey: Yes!

Ross: What? Thereís extra points for that!? Fair not thatís!

Chandler: Iíd like to go up the ladder of chance to the Golden Mud Hut please.

Joey: Wise choice, how many rungs?

Chandler: Six!

Joey: (makes a sound like a monkey) That noise can only me one thing.

Chandler: (disappointed and simultaneously as Ross) Hungry monkey.

Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) Iíd like a Wicked Wango card!

Joey: Okay, itís an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Jeannie.)

Ross: (thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!

Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle!

Ross: Shut up! I Dream of Jeannie!

Joey: Yes! Yes, youíre back in the lead!

Ross: Iíd like to spin the wheel!

(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)

Chandler: (annoyed) Oh come on!!

Joey: All right! All right! Uh, umm, Super-Speedy Speed round!

Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?

Joey: Of course!

(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)

Joey: Who invented bifocals?

Ross: Ben Franklin.

Joey: Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?

Ross: Queen Victoria.

Joey: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!

Ross: Noooo!!! Every time!!!

Joey: Now, over to Chandler.

Chandler: Iíd like a Google Card.

Joey: Are you sure?

Chandler: Yes! (Pause) No! (Pause) Google!

Joey: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, youíve been Bamboozled!

Chandler: Nooo!!

Ross: Yeah!!

Chandler: This is the best game ever!!!

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]

Rachel: So umm, youíre gonna stay with me as long as I need you?

Mrs. Green: Of course I am!

Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Iím not an idiot. Iíve read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnít think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babyís coming and I donít know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?

Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youíre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)

Rachel: Wait-wait where are you going? Where are you going?

Mrs. Green: Iím going to the bathroom.

Rachel: Okay.

Mrs. Green: Now donít worry! Everythingís gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)

Monica: It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot.

Ross: (entering, out of breath) Hey!

Phoebe: Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty?

Ross: I just Bamboozled Chandler! (Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him.) Which is not a sexual thing. That was a quick shower.

Phoebe: Not if you were here.

Ross: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.

Rachel: Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all.

Ross: (excited) A Play-Doh Barber Shop?

Rachel: No. Sheís going to live with us for eight weeks.

Ross: Uh, what?

Rachel: Yes! Sheís gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnít happy.)

Ross: WhatóYouíre not serious. I mean sheís a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Sheíll drive us totally crazy.

Mrs. Green: (entering from bathroom) Hi Ross!

Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)

[Scene: Joeyís Audition, Joey is being shown in.]

Man: Hey Joey, hi! Iím Ray; Iím the producer of the show.

Joey: (announcer voice) Itís a pleasure to meet you Ray.

Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyíre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, letís get the camera rolling.

Joey: (announcer voice) Rightie-O Ray!

Ray: Whenever youíre ready.

Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Iím Joey Tribbiani! Letís play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?

Erin: Wayne Gretzky.

Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

Ray: Uh Joey, didnít your agents give you the revised rules? Weíve eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards.

Joey: WhatóWhy?!

Ray: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didnít follow it.

Joey: Well whatís complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! Youíre in Paradise Pond!

Ray: Yeah all thatís gone. Itís basically just a simple question and answer game now.

Joey: Well whatís fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thatís just people standing around answering questions?

Ray: Well, thereíll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.

Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Letís play Bamboozled!

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]

Mrs. Green: So, I thought weíd put the changing station in the living room. And I thought Iíd bring in my decorator, because yíknow, I really feel like Iím at my best when Iím surrounded by jewel tones.

Ross: Sure, who doesnít?

Mrs. Green: Oh, and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.

Ross: Well weÖwe donít have a garage.

Mrs. Green: Did I say garage? I meant garbage.

Ross: Yíknow what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, itís not absolutely vital that you live with us.

Mrs. Green: Well Rachel needs help with the baby.

Rachel: I do. I really do. I donít know anything.

Ross: Iím-Iím sure thatís not true.

Rachel: Oh no? Pheebs? Monica? Do I know anything about babies?

Phoebe: No, not a thing.

Monica: Itís frightening.

Ross: Well uh, yíknow what? Even if she doesnít know anything, I do! And Iíll be there to show her, soÖ

Mrs. Green: Thatís exactly what Rachelís father told me. But you know what he said at the first 3 A.M. feeding? "Iím tired, you take care of it." Which I later said to him when he wanted to have sex.

Ross: Well, Iím not Rachelís dad. And no offense, but heís an ass.

Mrs. Green: I do like you Ross.

Ross: Look, I have a son. And his mother and I didnít live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.

Mrs. Green: Thatís true. You do have another child.

Ross: Yeah.

Mrs. Green: With another woman. Have you no control Ross?

Ross: Thatís a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there toÖto feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.

Mrs. Green: Well then you really donít need me to live with you.

Ross: Yes! Yes, youíre gonna be so missed.

Mrs. Green: Youíre gonna be a great father.

Ross: Well youíre gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.)

Rachel: Hello?! I still donít know what the hell Iím doing!

Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youíllóyouíre gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnít believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yíknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddyís credit card. Do you remember?

Rachel: I hope youíre going somewhere with this.

Ross: Look at you! WhatóYouíre-youíre this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt youíre gonna be an incredible mother.

Rachel: Really?

Ross: Iím telling you.

Rachel: Thank you. (Hugs him.)

Mrs. Green: All right you two, Iím gonna get going.

Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)

Mrs. Green: Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. Iíll let myself out. Itís like Iím not here, which I almost wasnít.

Monica: (laughs) Youíre still so funny. Youíre so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do?

Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and sheís been nothing but terrible to you. And donít forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnít even thanked you for it.

Monica: Yíknow what? Youíre-youíre right.

Phoebe: Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, Iíd tell her off.

Monica: Really?

Phoebe: Uh-huh!

Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasnít on purpose! But what youíre during to me now is just plain spiteful!

Mrs. Green: Spiteful?!

Monica: Thatís right! Maybe itís time you took a good hard look at a mirror young ladyÖold ladyÖlady!

Phoebe: (To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it upÖ

Monica: So whenever youíre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I canít feel my legs!

Phoebe: You were fantastic! Iím so proud of you!

Monica: Yeah? Iím proud of me too.

Phoebe: You should be!

Monica: Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink?

Phoebe: You got it!

Monica: Okay. (When Phoebe turns around Monica runs out into the hall after Mrs. Green.) Mrs. Green! Okay Iím really sorry!! Iím apologizing for theó(She trips and falls down the stairs.) (Pause) Okay, I bit my tongue, but Iím still really sorry!

Closing Credits

[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]

Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! Iím ready.

Ross: You sure?

Rachel: Yes, Iíve done my studying and I really know my stuff.

Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcerís voice) Rachel Green! Letís play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babyís bath water?

Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it.

Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?

Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.

Ross: Thatís correct! Thereís a hopping bonus here, but I donít suggest you take it. Okay, ooh, ooh, this is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)

Rachel: Check if itís wet, check if itís hungry, burp it!

Ross: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?

Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card!

Ross: Oh, Iím sorry youíve been Bamboozled! Youíre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Iíve lost sight of why weíre doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.) (Still in announcer voice) Please donít walk away! Iíve gone too far!

End