Originally written by Alexa Junge.
Trascribed by Josh Hodge.
The text in blue are scenes that were originally cut from the original airing of the show.
Added footage text by Matthew G.
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using
italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing
foosball by himself, Joey enters]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
Joey: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an
envelope.
Chandler: What's
this?
Joey: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an
even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this
for?
Joey: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for
head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't
even count. I love ya man.
Chandler: Well,
thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
Joey: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know,
always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
Chandler: Wow, I
don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an
incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
Joey: Heh, what d'ya say?
Chandler: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
Joey: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.
Chandler: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case]
Thanks best bud.
Joey: Put it on.
Chandler: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think
something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets
a chair in front of the drawer]
Joey: Oh, no no,
that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the
bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go.
Chandler: Well I never have been good to go. So uh- what the hell? Why not try on some jewelry-uh?
Joey: [puts the
bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
Chandler: I so am.
Joey: You have any
idea what this'll do for your sex life?
Chandler: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I
get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is interviewing for a job]
Interviewer: Well, this all looks good.
Monica: Great.
Interviewer: And if I
want to call for a reference on your last job?
Monica: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler
Bing.
Interviewer: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you
are on paper. Make me a salad.
Monica: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little more
complicated if you like.
Interviewer: No, just a salad will be fine.
Monica: You got it.
Interviewer: Now, I want you to tell me what you're doing while
you're doing it.
Monica: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
Interviewer: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
Monica: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
Interviewer: Don't, I like it dirty.
Monica: That's your call.
Interviewer: So, uh, what are you going to do next?
Monica: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
Interviewer: Are they, uh, firm?
Monica: They'r alright.
Interviewer: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're
not very, very bad?
Monica: No really, they're OK.
Interviewer: You gonna slice them up real nice?
Monica: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.
Interviewer: Aaaahhhhhhh.
Monica: I'm outa here. [Monica leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe:
are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and
answers the phone.]
Ross: Y-ello. No,
Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and
how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine
Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
Phoebe:: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
Ross: Oh really? What
uh, what does he want with her?
Chandler: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . .
ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down
tonight.
Ross: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't
get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I
were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from
guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should
be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should
be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message
service.
Phoebe:: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
Ross: Wha, OK, now
how do you know that?
Phoebe:: Because she's your lobster.
Chandler: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
Phoebe:: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in
love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old
lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws
like....You have to-you
have to picture lobsters.
[Monica enters from bathroom after taking a shower]
Chandler: Hey, you
feelin' better?
Monica: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the
interview off me.
Phoebe:: So, do you
have any other possibilities?
Monica: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make
rent.
Ross: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some money.
Monica: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd
feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
Ross: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow
it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them
already. You might as well make some money off of them.
Chandler: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm
and the bracelet falls off]
Phoebe:: What is that
sparkly thing?
Chandler: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little
flashy.
Ross: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
Monica: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few
debloons.
Phoebe: No,
no it's fun, it's fun. It's like knowing one of the Gabor
Sisters.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door
and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
Monica: Hi.
Mr. Geller: Hi.
Mrs. Geller: Hi darling.
Monica: So, what's this.
Mr. Geller: Some of your old stuff.
Mrs. Geller: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're
turning your room into a gym.
Monica: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh,
why not Ross's room?
Mr. Geller: Gosh, we talked about that but your brother has so
many science trophies and plaques and merit badges, well we
didn't want to disturb them.
Monica: Oh, God forbid.
Mrs. Geller: So what's new with you? What can you tell us? How's your job?
Monica: Job? Well..uh, did I mention that I still don't have a boyfriend?
Mrs.
Geller: Ah, oh well. I just assumed.
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
Mrs. Geller: Oh, hi Rachel.
Rachel: Hi.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we were so sorry to hear about your parents
splitting up, dear.
Rachel: Oh, well, you know, they're just separated so, you know,
never know, we'll see.
Mr. Geller: Well, I can't say any of us were surprised. Your
parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them. Especially
after that incident in Hawaii.
Rachel: What, what incident?
Mr. Geller: Uhh, naa, no no no, I, I must be thinking of someone
else, uh, maybe me. Don't you have some folding to do? Go fold
dear. Fold. You fold. [shuffles her into her room]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe: are sitting on
couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
Phoebe:: Do you want a refill?
Chandler: No, I'm alright, thanks.
Phoebe:: OK. Ooh, OK,
you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [she
sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and
then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot
babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready
for my penis now.
Chandler: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking,
Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
Gail: I'm Gail.
Chandler: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
Gail: I, I really have to be somewhere but it was nice meeting
you.
Chandler: What?
[realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he
coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs,
but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the
Liberace house of crap.
Phoebe:: It's not that bad.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk
around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey
walks in behind Chandler]
Phoebe:: Chandler, Chandler.
Chandler: I pity the
fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. .
. [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin'
some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey
turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's
actually good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the
counter. Ross and Phoebe: are sitting at the couches.]
Ross: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been
talking to her?
Phoebe: I don't know a couple of minutes.
Ross: Uh-try doubling that. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a
geisha.
Phoebe:: I think she's OK.
Ross: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look
at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he
won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the
middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said you
were pretty but wow.
Rachel: What are you, what are you doin'?
Ross: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it,
uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have
something to tell the grandkids.
Man: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care.
Ross: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. [man leaves] You're
welcome.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I was saving you.
Rachel: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation
with the interesting man, saving me?
Ross: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . .
Rachel: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
Ross: But, you are.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.
Rachel: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind
date guy again?
Ross: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh,
in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they
walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with
the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the,
the whole lobster thing?
Phoebe:: Do the claws again.
Ross: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's
talk, what about us?
Rachel: Ross, there is no us, OK.
Ross: No, but. . .
Rachel: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You
then fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired
of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.
Ross: Well, but, but. . .
Rachel: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.
Ross: E-except, except that what?
Rachel: No, no, ACC-cept that.
Ross: Oh. (Starts to leave)
(To Phoebe) I gotta go
(Phoebe and Rachel
have disappointed sad faces as he leaves.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey
enters.]
Chandler: Hey man,
look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow,
you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey,
whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say?
[Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and
the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Joey: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should
have just said so.
Chandler: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even
though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much
it means to me?
Joey: Well, what
about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of
me?
Chandler: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was
hoping we wouldn't focus on that.
Joey: Oh yeah, well focus on this (Grabs his genital area)
[Joey goes to his room and shuts the door]
Chandler: Hard to argue with that. Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times,
I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet
is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in
there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he
starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
Joey: You know what the. . . [sees
Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Chandler: I am here,
on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my
sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though
you may haveth anger now. . . You're going to grab yourself again aren't ya?[Joey returns to his room]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Gellerare
watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
Mr. Geller: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just
saying, it's right there.
Ross: Hey guys.
Mrs. Geller: Hi, darling. Where's my grandson, you didn't bring
him?
Ross: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
Mr. Geller: A woman in my office is a lesbian. I'm just saying.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial
that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross
goes over to Monica]
Monica: Where have
you been?
Ross: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?
Monica: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.
Ross: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some
news.
Monica: Um, yeah, so
uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but umm,
I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.
Mrs. Geller: Why?
Monica: Because they made me.
Mrs. Geller: You were fired? What're you gonna do?
Mr. Geller: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're
talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck,
where does it go?
MONICA and Ross: In the bank.
Mr. Geller: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's
what it's there for. She's gonna be fine..Aren't you sweetie?
Monica: In the bank.
Mr. Geller: And
if you need a little extra, you know where to find it. [pulls a
quarter from behind her ear]
Monica: Anything larger back there?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe: enter.]
Chandler: I can't believe it.
Phoebe:: Would you
stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
Chandler: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget
about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a
bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down
at the bar]
Rachel: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey.
I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what
Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
Phoebe:: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now
you have two.
Chandler: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How come you have two?
Chandler: Well this one's for you.
Joey: Get out.
Chandler: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this
means to you and I also know that this is about more than just
jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the
fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
Joey: Wow, is this
friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.
Chandler: That's what they'll call us.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are
standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
Ross: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
Monica: You have dinosaur checks?
Ross: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a
little something, what's wrong with that?
Monica: Nothin', nothin', hey you're a cheapasaurus. I'm kidding,
I'm kidding, thank you, I'm very greatful.
Phoebe:: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She
pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
Monica: Oh, um, that
was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a little bigger
then.
Chandler: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover
Connecticut when it rained.
Joey: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video
tape?
Monica: Hey, you got me, put it in.
Ross: [Rachel enters] Oh.
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: Hi.
Mrs. Geller: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the
path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters
with a huge nose]
Rachel: Oh my God.
Joey: What is with your nose?
Rachel: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum.
Chandler: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover
Connecticut.
Monica: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the
prom.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
All: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.
Mrs. Geller: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
Monica: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up
the whole screen]
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an
extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.
Joey: Some girl ate
Monica.
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
Monica: Oh, you look so great.
Rachel: Ahh, so do you, beautiful. [they hug]
Monica: Oops.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.
Rachel: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
Mr. Geller: Everybody smile.
Monica: Oh, dad, turn it off.
Mr. Geller: It is off.
Monica: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
Mr. Geller:
It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an
afro and moustache]
Joey: Lookin' good Mr. Kotter.
Ross: You look pretty tonight.
Rachel: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna do this summer?
Ross: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on
my music.
Rachel: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her
shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I
can't. . .
Ross: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna
do. . . [doorbell rings]
Rachel: Oh, the guys are here.
Ross: this summer?
Chandler: Work on your music?
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing
'Axel-F']
Rachel: Oh my God, look there's Roy Gublik.
Monica: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the
paper.
Rachel: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet?
ROY: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill. [Chip pins Monica's
corsage on, Monica then turns and whispers to Rachel]
Monica: I just told
Rachel that Roy touched my boob.
Rachel: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't,
it's too late.
Monica: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass.
Mrs. Geller: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You
should take Rachel to the prom.
Ross: Doubtful.
Mrs. Geller: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.
Mr. Geller: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux.
Ross: Dad, she won't want to go with me.
Mr. Geller: Of course she would, you're a college man.
Ross: I don't know.
Mr. Geller: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
Rachel: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is
so harsh. (The
audience laughs at this line, unlike in the edited version of
this episode..)
Ross: OK. Hold my board.
Mr. Geller: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change]
Ross: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's
turn it off.
ALL: No, no, no.
Ross: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
Mr. Geller: C'mon kid, let's go.
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, are you hadsome.
Mr. Geller: Let's show 'em.
Ross: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool.
[walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on
the endtable] OK dad.
Mr. Geller: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes
your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the
four are leaving]
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
Mr. Geller: Press the button.
Mrs. Geller: Which one? Which button, Jack.
Mr. Geller: The button, the button.
Monica: I can't
believe you did that.
Ross: Yeah, well.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the
room, and kisses Ross]
Phoebe:: See, he's her lobster.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the
rest of the tape]
Mrs. Geller: Dance with him.
Monica: Mom, I'm hungry.
Mrs. Geller: Dance with your father.
Mr. Geller: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no
slouch on the dance floor.
Monica: Alright.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Jack.
Mr. Geller: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.
BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh.
[Monica is visibly upset
and decides to get up in disbelief.]
END