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The One With Two Parts, Part 1 (Un-cut version)


Written by: Marta Kauffman and David Crane.
Transcribed by: Tennant Stuart and Mindy Mattingly.

The text in blue are scenes that were originally cut from the original airing of the show. The un-cut episode appeared on the Best of Friends Volume 1 video in the United States and on the Friends: The Complete First Season Set in the United States.

Added footage text by Matthew G.


[Scene: Riftís Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and Chandler are there.]

Chandler: This is unbelievable. Itís been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youíd be looking like a ham right about now.

(Ursula Buffay, Phoebeís identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)

Joey: Thereís the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?

(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)

Chandler: Itís Phoebe! Hi!

(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)

Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?

Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?

Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Iím here.

Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?

Ursula: Right, yeah, ícause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.

Chandler: Can we start over?

Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Iím gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)

Chandler & Joey: No, no, no!

Opening Credits

[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City,, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]

Ross: I donít know whether heís testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.

Rachel: No, yeah, Iíve done that.

Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.

Rachel: Iíve never done that.

(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shopís signóa large steaming cup of coffee.)

Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnít look exactly like her sister.

Joey: Iím sayiní I see a difference.

Chandler: Theyíre twins!

Joey: I donít care. Phoebeís Phoebe. Ursulaís... hot!

(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)

Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?

Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Letís not do that any more.

(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.)

All: Hey guys! Hey!

Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.

Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.

Joey: Nope.

Phoebe: Morly Safer.

Joey: Nope.

Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!

Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long game.

Chandler: Your sister Ursula.

Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.

Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...

Phoebe: Riftís. Yeah, I know.

Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys havenít talked in like years.

Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?

Joey: Not from where I was standiní.

Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?

Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just donít get along?

Phoebe: Itís mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"

Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Iím sorry, Iíve got to go. Iíve got Lamaze class.

Chandler: Oh, and Iíve got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.

Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?

Ross: No, Susanís gonna be there too. Weíve got dads, weíve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.

Rachel: Well, isnít, isnít that gonna be weird?

Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Iím pretty comfortable with the whole situation.

Monica: Ross, thatís my jacket.

Ross: I know.

(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)

[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whoís got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]

Woman: Hi, weíre the Rostins. Err, Iím J.C., and heís Michael, and weíre having a boy, and a girl.

Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next?

Ross: Hi, um, Iím err, (has to clear his throat) Iím Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carolís bulge) ..thatís, thatís my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carolís, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whoís next?

Teacher: Iím sorry, I didnít get... Susan is?

Ross: Susan is Carolís, Carolís, Carolís, friend...

Carol: Life partner.

Ross: Like buddies.

Susan: Like lovers.

Ross: You know how close women can get.

(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)

Carol: Susan and I live together.

Ross: Although I was married to her.

Susan: Carol, not me.

Ross: Err, right.

Carol: Itís a little complicated.

Ross: A little.

Susan: But weíre fine.

Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thatís like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.

[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.]

(Helenís buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)

Chandler: And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too, Helen.

Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.

Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in.

(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)

Nina: Hi.

Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in.

Nina: You wanted to see me?

Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. Iíve just been going over your data here, and little thing, youíve been post-dating your Friday numbers.

Nina: Which is bad, because?

Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.

Nina: Your... excuse me?

Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...

Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Wonít happen again. I wouldnít want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus."

(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once heís lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that heís thinking correctly...)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]

Monica: K, I'll take "Idiots in the Workplace" for $200 Alex.

Chandler: Itís not just that sheís cute, okay. Itís just that... sheís really really cute.

Ross: It doesnít matter. You donít dip your pen in the company ink.

Rachel: God, even I know that and I'm..pretty much unemployable.

(Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.)

Monica: Ross, your little creatureís got the remote again.

Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...

(Marcel points the remote at Monicaís television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)

Monica: Great.

Ross: Relax, Iíll fix it.

Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."

Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?

Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?

(Rachel slowly spins around, finally noticing that the lights have outstayed their welcome.)

Monica: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Yearís... but obviously someone forgot.

Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing Monicaís note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there?

Monica: A really long time.

(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)

Chandler: Hey, where you been?

Joey: I went back to Riffís. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries.

Chandler: Score.

Joey: She is so hot!

Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)

Joey: Pheebs?

Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah?

Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?

Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that?  Why?

Joey: So that if we went out on a date, sheíd be there.

Phoebe: Well, I mean, Iím not my sisterís, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, itís true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weíve grown apart, so, um... I donít know, why not? Okay.

Joey: Cool, thanks.

(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)

Ross: You okay?

Phoebe: Yeah Iím fine.

Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?

(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)

[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostinsí pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]

Ross: Sorry.

Ross: Hi. Sorry Iím late. Whereís, whereís Carol?

Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. Iíll get the information.

Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whatís going on.

Susan: Oh, good. Thisíll be fun.

Teacher: Alrighty. Weíre gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why donít you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummyís head.

(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)

Ross and Susan: What? What? What?

Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?

Ross: Okay, Iím gonna play my sperm card one more time.

Susan: Look, I donít see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Iím a woman.

Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?

Susan: I will flip you for it.

Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!

Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.

(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susanís lap like all the other fathers.)

Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.

(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)

Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.

(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)

[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]

Chandler: Mr. D, howís it going, sir?

Mr. Douglas: Ohh, itís been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.

Chandler: And?

Mr. Douglas: Itís pretty ugly. We havenít seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies.

Chandler: So what does this mean?

Mr. Douglas: Well, weíre gonna be layiní off people in every department.

Chandler: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very snarly.

Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?

Chandler: No that's not a problem sir. That's why my name's on the door. By the way, do you know when I'm getting my name on the door?

Mr. Douglas: I don't know. I put it in the thing.

Chandler: It's okay. So who's it going to be?

[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.]

Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.

(She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his left leg.)

Nina: Are you okay?

Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please donít hate me.

Nina: (Taking her hand away) What?

Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime?

(Nina gasps in surprise and relief.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]

Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?

Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.

Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?

Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.

Rachel: Ooh, okay... good.

(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)

Jamie: What is this place?

Fran: Look, youíre cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..thereís a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?

(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)

Jamie: I think we have an answer.

Fran: Whatís she doing here?

Jamie: This could be Godís way of telling us to eat at home.

Fran: Think she got fired at Riffís?

Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladiesí bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?

Fran: Iím gonna wait till after we order. Itís her, right.

Jamie: It looks like her.

(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)

Jamie: Um, excuse me.

Phoebe: Yeah?

Jamie: Hi, itís us.

Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and itís me.

Jamie: So, so youíre here too?

Phoebe: Much as you are.

Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn.

Fran: Err... we know what we want.

Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, thatís good.

Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.

Fran: And some biscotti cookies.

Phoebe: Good choice.

(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wonít see the face she pulls, and sits down.)

Jamie: Definitely her.

Fran: Yeah.

[Scene: Monica and Rachelís, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]

(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)

Monica: I canít believe you. You still havenít told that girl she doesnít have a job yet?

Chandler: Well, you still havenít taken down the Christmas lights.

Monica: Congratulations, I think youíve found the worldís thinnest argument.

Chandler: Iím just trying to find the right moment, you know?

Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnít be so hard, now that youíre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youíre fired, but how íbout a quickie before I go to work?"

(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)

Joey: Hey.

Rachel and Chandler: Hey.

(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)

Chandler: You know, once youíre inside, you donít have to knock any more.

Monica: Iíll get it.

(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles standing there.)

Monica: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.

Mr.Heckles: Youíre doing it again.

Monica: Weíre not doing anything. Weíre just sitting around talking, quietly.

Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats canít sleep.

Rachel: You donít even have cats.

Mr.Heckles: I could have cats.

Monica: (Closing the door) Goodbye Mr.Heckles.

Rachel: Weíll try to keep it down.

(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)

Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.

Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...

Joey: Oh, no no no. Itís for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.

Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.

(The others have been taking all this in.)

Rachel: Are you seeiní her again tonight?

Joey: Yep. Ice Capades.

Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Iíve never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.

Joey: I donít know. I like her, you know. Sheís different. Thereís uh, somethiní about her.

Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!

(The circle freezes in apprehension.)

Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.

Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now itís not okay.

Joey: Okay... Well maybe now Iím not okay with it not being okay.

Phoebe: Okay.

(An embarrassed silence... finally broken by)

Chandler: Knit, good woman, knit, knit!

(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding, tangling Chandlerís wool.)

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandlerís boss opens the door.]

Chandler: And thatís the Chrysler Building right there.

Mr. Douglas: Nina.

Nina: Mr.Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie.

(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he misses Chandlerís expression of alarm & guilt.)

Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Ninaís shapely departure) Sheís still here.

Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didnít I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.

(Thinking quickly, Chandler desperately tries to remember anything to do with schizophrenia....)

Chandler: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.

Mr. Douglas: Youíre kidding? She seems so...

Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.

Mr. Douglas: Thatís unbelievable.

Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.

Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whatís goiní on inside a personís head.

Chandler: Well, I guess thatís why they call it psychology, sir.

(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)

[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susanís lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]

Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.

Teacher: Lights please? And thatís having a baby. Next week is our final class.

(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carolís doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)

Ross: Susan, go deep.

(Susan just glares back, as Rossís inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)

Carol: This is impossible. Itís just impossible.

Susan: What is, honey?

Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doiní that. Itís just gonna have to stay in, thatís all, everything will be the same, itíll just stay in.

Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythingís gonna be alright.

Carol: (Turning on Ross) OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? NO-ONEíS GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING, "HI, IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL? MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"

Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.

(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)

Susan: I know itís frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when itís over, weíre all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.

(Ross is staring blankly into space.)

Susan: I mean, thatís what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?

[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]

Ross: Iím gonna be a father.

Rachel: This is just occurring to you?

Ross: I always knew I was haviní a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.

Rachel: (She comforts him too) Oh, youíre gonna be great!

Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I canít even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?

Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different. (slowly) You might want to look into it.

(Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.)

Phoebe: Whereíre you going?

Joey: Out.

Phoebe: With?

Joey: (Spreading his arms wide) Yes.

Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?

(Joey nods his head.)

Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?

Joey: Well, not that itís any of your business, but, no, we havenít, okay?

(Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.)

Joey: You meant sex, right?

(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyíre not there.)

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler has his hands on the side of his face with his jaw dropped along with a toy on the desk which is doing the same thing. Nina knocks, then opens the door.]

Nina: Do you have a sec?

Chandler: Ah, sure, Nina. Whatís up?

Nina: I donít know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.

Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe thatís because theyíre ah... jealous, of us.

Nina: Maybe. But that doesnít explain why they keep taking my scissors.

Chandler: Ah, well, maybe thatís, ah, because youíre getting a big raise.

Nina: I am?

Chandler: Sure, why not?

Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) Youíre amazing!

Chandler: Oh, you donít know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinderís raise?

Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?

Nina: What?

Chandler: Helen drinks. (Insincerely) Will you marry me?

(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachelís, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]

Chandler: So after the proposal, I kind of unraveled.

Ross: Right, because you were really in control up until then.

Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.

Rachel: Oh, howíd she take it?

Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youíre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.

Monica: Okay, I think I get how to do this.

(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)

Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I canít, I canít watch.

Monica: (Remotely turning off the television) okay, Pheebs, theyíre gone.

Phoebe: Okay.

Monica: Are you alright?

Phoebe: Yeah. Itís just, you know, itís this whole stupid Ursula thing, itís...

Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, heís going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?

Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Iím not saying sheís like evil or anything. She just, you know, sheís always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnít let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then when I was 12 and she broke my collar bone. All right, she didn't mean to do it but I think it still counts. (Chandler nods his head.) And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?

Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No.

Phoebe: Well, but thatís what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnít even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnít wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.

Rachel: Oh... Oh, Pheebs.

Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...

Chandler: Youíre not gonna lose him.

Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.

Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.

Ross: No, come on, he doesnít know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.

Phoebe: But heís falling in love with her.

Rachel: Oh please, theyíve been going out a week. They havenít even slept together yet, I mean, thatís not serious.

Phoebe: Okay... Okay.

(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)

Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.

(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeyís apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeyís shirts.)

Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.

(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)

Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]

Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? Itís freezing out here. Would you come back inside?

Rachel: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) ..Iím takiní íem down. Okay? Whoa! (Screams.)

(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)

Monica: Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over the edge) Rachel!

(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)

Rachel: (To Monica) Iím okay! Iím okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?

Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.

End